These boys of mine, they are growing up way too fast. Some days it just slaps me in the face like a wet dish cloth. I now only see glimpses of the babies and toddlers they once were. I look at Levi when he is asleep and just can’t believe that he is 5 1/2 years old already…taking up so much of his bed, with his feet dangling off the edge, his mop of thick brown hair poking out from underneath his covers, snoring like on ox. He’s starting to wipe my kisses off when I smooch him good-bye on the school playground, but at night he holds me tight and lets me smother him with them. I hope he always will. I love seeing his face light up when he sees me waiting for him after school and the feeling of having him run into my waiting embrace.
Thankfully Calvin is still my little Mama’s boy…always by my side, day and night. Still small enough to curl up in my lap, be held on my hip and fall sleep in the crook of my arm. He asks to go on Mama-Calvin dates every day and loves getting my undivided attention while Levi is at school. I wish I could just bottle him up and keep him this small forever so that I can always hear the sweet and funny things that come out of his little mouth…like, “if I could marry someone, I would marry Mama.” Seriously…he slays me daily with these kind of “Calvinisms”.
And yet, watching them grow up is the ultimate gift of parenthood. At every turn we are preparing them (and ourselves) to stretch their wings so that they may take their own jump from the nest and soar to great heights. Every developmental milestone gets them closer to their own autonomy, to listening to their own voice and finding their individual path. Those little heads are full of such big (and small) thoughts, curiosity and wonder. Every question they ask demands an answer, which leads to another question…to keep opening the doors of their minds to all the possibilities, truths, beauty and mysteries of this world. Right now I’m feeling melancholy as I look back at pictures and watch videos from the past 5 years, wondering how it passed by so quickly. I am reminded to enjoy the simple, funny moments of our life and even embrace the ones that can make me frustrated and challenged as a parent. I want my boys to remember these moments and the feeling of being wrapped up in the deep love that I have for them. They take a piece of my heart with them wherever they go.